5 months on

Dear Time,

Last time I blogged was in July and since then I guess, a lot of happened. I never realised until a friend asked me what's been happening to me in the past year... I couldn't answer. Not because I wasn't proud but quite honestly, it hasn't been a good year for me and in a sense it has been because of the downs. (All about the balance).

So let's see what has happened.

• My own family bullied me to fix my Uncle's lack of input, unfinsihed projects and mistakes so I left and I was deemed childish. My own mother didn't even bother to contact me, instead she just shouted at me for not helping yet it was fine that her own brother who got them all in a mess to do nothing or fix it. Family Politics has what turned into a Stewing Pot of Gravy. What's family without the drama?
• Had the best job ever - worked on Commonwealth 2014 wtih Sky Sports. I never thought highly of myself but the Sky team gave me a promotion! I didn't do much. Most definitely a confident boost.
• At this high point, I pummetted into the low point as I found out that my best friend past away. (50p Backstory) This was during the Commonwealth 2014 and I was given a 50p by a colleague. It was His missing 50p... He was such a good person, always had the time to listen to my problems whether it be via lunch or whatsapp there was always time. I remember when he was running late and I knew he had a meeting later so I told him that we could reschedule because I knew lateness leads to being flustered therefore not good for meetings but he insisted because "if we reschedule then it will constantly be rescheduled and meeting with friends is more important". Most importantly, we shared our problems and he valued me in many aspects as a person, academic colleague and friend. He was actually another person who thought I would do much more with myself but nonetheless he never commented on my strays because I was a happy. Now, I feel a bit lost, who do I go to?
• Got my own flat. It's quite a bit lonely but I do like my space. Mechanic Boy keeps moving my stuff!!!
• Scooter/ Moped is my best Flatmate. The adventure we had was hilarious mainly because it was illegal across the board and reflecting back - how daring was I! Now I'm stripping it naked and so I'm learning about each part. The guys at work has given me tips about it.
• In a new job which links back to my academic background. It's very interesting but the company is such a mess. As well as being stressful because of the non-existence of any structure, it gives me the opportunity to put in place of my ideas and knowledge. In addition, there's quite a bit of career opportunity for me so the future is bright and obviously up to me to do something. I just need to put a plan in place. To be honest, everything leads to something its whether you want that path. End of the day, I enjoy it and I actually find the problem quite interestingly challenging and really up for it.
• Had two bumps with the car, both times not my fault. Scary stuff. All sorted though.
• Not been sleeping well. It's all good now because I know why therefore I know how to fix it.
• Realised that compared to friends I know quite a bit about maintaining vehicles and insurance, etc., I worry about them at times especially what they do. Previously, I thought I looked bad because I have a wealth of experience but career-wise, I haven't got it compared to them. Turns out that experience can't be compared, we are all independant in our own ways.

I guess that's about it. To answer my friend's question: what I have been up to the past year, is that I've had quite an emotional experience.

Apparently 2015 doesn't get better for me.


Help me maintain a positive attitude.

End of an Era

Dear Ex-Colleagues,

It has been a very fascinating 4 months working with you guys.

To be quite honest, I feel cheated into the job, I was told the the organisation does production and was currently in talks with a top fashion icon. It was my fault for being naive even though I did do my research to find nothing about these productions. After being at the company, I did have a breakdown only because you were telling me really conflicting information e.g. the company did productions.

Lesson 101: don't believe everything you hear. Some people will say anything for their gain.

I let it go that I wasn't doing what I wanted to do. Nevertheless being in a company which was establishing itself is always a good learning experience. Plus you never know who walks through that door. And so, I ended up doing admin work which soon turned into being your IT girl. The aversion to technology completely shocked me, moving one cable from one laptop to another is apparently difficult.

Lesson 102: just get on with the job. The more you the complain or stubbornly not do it, the more you get yourself annoyed.

After a while I realised I was doing really menial tasks things which takes about 20 minutes to explain and only 2 minutes to do yourself such as copying and pasting. It became pointless so I decided to contribute by doing things which will help in the future. I taught myself bookkeeping - not going to be using it at all.

Lesson 103: at the end of the day I still gained something. My aunt said to me that don't worry about getting taken advantage of or unfairly treated - given all the tasks whilst the other assistant is skiving - because at the end of the day I gain something.

The biggest thing I have learnt is the people to people relationships, knowing how to stay away from drama, not quite letting work take over (I didn't have a work life balance as I would just go home after work, commuting does take over but it was my time of gathering thoughts.), there are others but it's all about self-development. I think I know what I want.

Overall, it has been enjoyable especially the fact that my supervisor shows her appreciation and confides in me. I also asks for advice and what she shares is really valuable. Thank you!!

x

Another Thing I Learnt

Dear Members at the Table,

Please be aware of your word choice. When I first participated in this workshop on how to talk to people I honestly thought it was all a load of rubbish because the world just isn't a nice place. Turns out if this is my belief then I am just contributing to this harsh community.

Brainstorming Session. Purpose? Bouncing ideas. Why can I hear the word, "no"?

General Meeting. Purpose? To be updated as to what all the other departments have done, are doing and planning to do. Why is your head shaking?

It all seems like there is too much emphasis of equality and that everybody's opinions, ideas, comments should be heard and not judged. The thing is, once one person says no, you aren't actually saying no to the idea you are in fact saying no to someone's contribution. I suppose you could argue that saying 'no' is just an opinion, which is true but if you are giving your opinion about an idea then I would try to avoid using a negative word to begin with.

The most important thing is the magic number 3. Say 'no' three times to one person will break their confidence to speak out and to want to contribute.

This post a bunch of useless words? Possibly.

Ending in Good Terms

Dear SueShine,

I have always had a habit of ruining the memories of any experience. I remember a film industry professional said that it was ashame that the very last day of his/her work experience to deal with such a mess due to miscommunication because that would be the only thing you remember. It's true.

High School: I completely applied myself during the junior years (participating in various clubs such as basketball, badminton, homework, Aim High- a group which promotes the change of attitude to positive). Then middle years, I got involved in clubs outside of school. Senior years was when I lost energy, one reason was my health completely fell - attendance was 50%!!! Most importantly, I stopped applying myself and that's all I can remember when I look back.

College: first year, I trumped over everyone because I was just enthusiastic without really trying. And I got a Distinctive Award!!! My first award. The last year, I cut corners, taking as much shortcuts so my quality of work just slide.
[NOTE: do not take too many shortcuts. It is definitely noticeable when you cut so many corners of a square that it turns into a circle.]

University: report writing was just scary so junior year did not reflect my best work. But I improved; by the time I was in my penultimate year, my grades were hitting a first, and I had 3 jobs. Then the last year came and I had a massive fall out with a friend, grades were a good pass and that was it.

Everlasting Part Time Job: first time I left, I had a card and a dinner. This time round. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just avoid the store as if I never worked there. It's so sad.

Film Training: I was completely stunned. I knew nothing about Film and Media, plus I'm more commercial because at the end of the day, it's a business therefore a profit needs to be made for sustainability. Obviously you can argue about this point. The last 4 months of the training was just not good - fall out with the co-ordinator, they were constantly being in my face about props which were not in normal conditions and not returned even though I notified in writing to relevant personnel regarding the delay of the return plus I had a bereavement (apparently didn't matter and co-ordinator forgot). The very last meeting, it turns out that the co-ordinator didn't actually know what to do with me since I was specialised. I appreciate in owning up to it but it's a bit late, you really should have said at or near the beginning and both of us could've came up with a game plan. Now, I just avoid that place because again, they don't know what to do with me. Another reason is that the co-ordinator spelt my name wrong twice, once can be a typo but the second time...really?

Now, at the cinema. It ended on a good note. The rubbish memories seem to be blurry so all I really have are good and hilarious memories! And I think it's because I got on with things, no matter how bad the responsibility was I would made it fun e.g. people hated rubbish duty but Miss P.A. and I went mental and then everyone else started to want to be on rubbish duty. As well as this, a lot of people didn't believe my true age because "I enjoyed life and light hearted", my behaviour changed because of the people and Mr Tall, Dark and Handsome - things were not as bad as it seems.

5 days left. Almost packed. I promise to enjoy my time away and make the most of everything. I am aware it's going to be difficult to adjust but I will try. "You have not tried unless you put everything into it in order to get it done or complete".

Make the most, be proud of what you are and going to achieve.